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Overprotectivenese

The Pasta King’s Guardians

The kitchen of the new castle had never felt so crowded, yet so strangely organized. Usually, a meal involving the SMG4 crew resulted in at least one small explosion, a fire started by a stray Bob-omb, or Mario somehow getting his head stuck in the oven. But today, the atmosphere was thick with a heavy, protective focus. It was as if a high-stakes military operation was underway, and the objective was the absolute happiness of one red-clad plumber.

Mario sat on a booster seat that Saiko had forcefully demanded a Toad bring from the basement—despite Mario being a grown man—and kicked his legs back and forth. He was currently distracted by a fork, trying to see if he could balance it on his nose like he had with the marshmallows earlier.

"Mario, sweetie, be careful with that," Tari said, her voice dripping with a motherly concern that made Luigi’s skin crawl from across the room. She gently reached out and took the fork from his hand, replacing it with a plastic spoon. "We wouldn't want you to poke your eye out, would we?"

"Ooh, soft spoon! It’s like a little pillow for my pudding!" Mario cheered, immediately beginning to drum on the table with it.

Saiko slammed a massive bowl of freshly made dough onto the counter, the sound echoing like a gunshot. She didn't look at Mario with her usual "I’m going to kill you" expression. Instead, she looked at him with a terrifyingly intense devotion. "Only the best ingredients today. If I find a single lump in this pasta sauce, someone is going to lose a limb."

She turned her gaze toward the corner where Fishy Boopkins was hiding behind a trash can. The spike-headed aquatic creature let out a pathetic whimper and retreated further into the shadows.

"I’ve never seen them like this," SMG4 whispered to Luigi, the two of them huddled near the doorway like refugees in their own home. "It’s like they’ve been brainwashed by some kind of 'Mario-is-a-precious-cinnamon-roll' cult."

Luigi nodded frantically, his hat trembling on his head. "I tried to go in there to get a glass of water, and Karen hissed at me! *Me!* I’m his brother! She told me I was 'breathing too loudly' near him and that I might disturb his 'aura of innocence.'"

Inside the kitchen, the 'aura of innocence' was currently trying to see if he could fit his entire fist in his mouth.

Meggy walked over to Mario, holding a plate of appetizers she had prepared—mostly small crackers shaped like stars. She leaned down, her face inches from his, wearing a grin that looked a little too wide to be natural. "Are you hungry, Red? Do you want me to feed you, or can you handle it yourself? I can cut them into even smaller pieces if you want."

Mario blinked, his big blue eyes reflecting Meggy’s orange beanie. "Mario is a big boy, Meggy! I can do it! Watch!"

He grabbed a handful of crackers and shoved them into his mouth all at once, crumbs showering his mustache. He looked like a hamster storing food for the winter.

"So talented," Melony breathed. She was sitting on a stool right next to him, her head resting on her hand as she watched him chew. She reached out and delicately brushed a crumb off his cheek. Her touch was so light, yet her eyes were so heavy with an obsessive sparkle. "He’s like a little angel who fell into a dumpster and came out perfect."

"I don't like this, SMG4," Luigi whimpered. "They’re treating him like a pet. Or a god. A pet-god."

"It’s the protective part that scares me," SMG4 replied, clutching his tablet to his chest. "Did you see what they did to Bob? He’s still running. I think he crossed the border into the Koopa Kingdom ten minutes ago."

Suddenly, the kitchen door swung open, and Shroomy wandered in, humming a cheerful tune. He was carrying a tray of scouts' badges he had been polishing.

"Hiya, fellas! Boy, sure is a hoot in here today! I was wondering if anyone wanted to help me practice my knot-tying—"

Shroomy stopped mid-sentence. He had made the mistake of walking between Mario and the stove where Karen was currently simmering a secret sauce.

The air in the room didn't just chill; it solidified.

Karen turned, her tail puffed up to three times its normal size. Her green eyes were slit into thin vertical lines. "You are obstructing the view," she rasped.

"Oh! Sorry there, Miss Karen! I didn't mean to—"

Saiko stepped away from the dough, her shadow looming over the mushroom boy. "He’s eating, Shroomy. He needs a peaceful environment to digest. Your presence is... loud."

"But I wasn't even saying anything!" Shroomy chirped, his innocent smile wavering.

Melony stood up slowly. She didn't draw her sword, but the sheer pressure of her gaze made Shroomy’s knees buckle. "Leave. Now. Before I turn you into a salad."

Shroomy didn't need to be told twice. He did a backflip out of the room, his badges scattering across the floor like metallic rain.

Mario, oblivious to the threat, swallowed his crackers with a loud gulp. "Hey! Where’s the mushroom man going? He didn't see my spoon trick!"

"He had an urgent meeting with... the floor," Meggy said smoothly, her hand resting on Mario’s shoulder. Her grip was firm, almost as if she was claiming territory. "Don't worry about him, Mario. Focus on the spaghetti. It’s almost ready."

"Spaghetti! Spaghetti! Spaghetti!" Mario began to chant, banging his plastic spoon on the table in a rhythmic beat.

Usually, this would be the point where SMG4 would lose his mind and scream at Mario to shut up. He felt the urge rising in his throat—the instinctive need to maintain order in his castle. He took a breath, his mouth opening to deliver a sharp "Mario, knock it off!"

But before a single vibration could leave his vocal cords, he felt five different sets of eyes lock onto him.

Tari, usually the most timid person in the group, was looking at him with a cold, analytical stare, her cybernetic eye glowing a faint, menacing red. It was a look that said: *If you raise your voice at him, I will delete your entire hard drive.*

SMG4 swallowed his words so hard he nearly choked. He forced a strained, painful smile and gave a thumbs-up. "Nice... nice beat, Mario! Real catchy!"

Mario beamed. "Thanks, Glitchy! You want to play the spoons too?"

"I... I think I’ll just go check on the... uh... internet," SMG4 squeaked, grabbing Luigi by the collar and dragging him back into the hallway.

Once the door was safely shut, SMG4 leaned against the wall, panting. "We’re losing the castle, Luigi. It’s over. Mario is the captain now."

"We have to do something!" Luigi hissed. "They’re going to smother him! Or worse, they’re going to start fighting each other over who gets to hold his hand!"

As if on cue, a muffled argument broke out behind the kitchen door.

"I’m the one who’s known him the longest, Saiko! I should be the one to sit next to him during the movie!" Meggy’s voice was sharp.

"Length of time doesn't matter," Saiko countered, her voice low and growling. "I’m the only one strong enough to carry him if he gets tired. That makes me the primary guardian."

"I have a bed that fits two," Melony added dreamily, though there was an edge to her tone that suggested she wasn't joking. "He likes naps. I like naps. It’s destiny."

"Actually," Karen’s dry, cynical voice cut through the tension, "as the only one here with a steady job and a sense of fiscal responsibility, I am the only one capable of providing the lifestyle he deserves. Plus, I have the best snacks."

"He’s not a cat, Karen!" Tari cried out, her voice uncharacteristically firm. "He needs emotional support and gaming sessions! I’ve already pre-ordered every version of Mario Kart for him!"

Inside the kitchen, Mario was completely unaware that he was the center of a brewing civil war. He had found a stray piece of spaghetti that had fallen on the floor earlier and was trying to see if he could use it as a dental floss.

"Ooh, minty," he muttered to himself.

The door creaked open again. This time, it was Bowser. The King of Koopas walked in, looking for his usual afternoon snack of roasted rocks.

"Hey, losers! Where’s the—"

Bowser stopped. He looked at Mario, who was currently cross-eyed and drooling slightly. Then he looked at the five women who were now standing in a semi-circle around the plumber, their expressions shifting from internal bickering back to external hostility.

Bowser, being a villain of many years, had a very well-developed sense of "I should not be here." He saw the way Saiko’s knuckles whitened around her hammer. He saw the way Meggy’s hand drifted toward her splattershot. He saw the way Melony’s eyes went dark.

"You know what? I’m not even hungry," Bowser said, slowly backing away. "I’ll just go eat some dirt outside. Nice mustache, Mario! Please don't let them kill me!"

"Bye-bye, Gay Bowser!" Mario waved cheerfully.

As Bowser fled, the girls turned back to Mario, their expressions softening instantly. It was like a light switch being flipped. The predatory monsters vanished, replaced by doting, adoring fans.

"Here we go, Mario," Karen said, placing a massive, steaming plate of spaghetti in front of him. It was piled high, drizzled with the finest sauce, and topped with a single, perfect basil leaf. "The finest meal for the finest... whatever you are."

Mario’s eyes turned into giant hearts. "OHHHH YES! MAMA MIA!"

He dived into the plate face-first, making sounds that could only be described as a vacuum cleaner inhaling a swamp. Sauce splashed everywhere—on the table, on the floor, and a significant amount on Melony’s cheek.

In the past, Melony would have complained about being messy. Now, she simply touched the sauce on her face and smiled, her cheeks flushing a light pink. "He’s such a passionate eater."

"He’s got sauce in his ears," Tari giggled, reaching over with a wet nap to gently clean him. "Hold still, Mario. Let me help."

"No, let me!" Meggy protested, grabbing another napkin.

Soon, all five of them were fussing over him, wiping his face, adjusting his hat, and whispering words of encouragement as he continued to demolish the pasta.

Mario emerged from the pile of noodles, gasping for air, his face completely red from the sauce. "I... I think I’m in heaven! You guys are the bestest friends ever! Even the cat lady!"

Karen sighed, but there was a faint purr vibrating in her chest. "Yes, yes. Just keep eating."

Outside in the hallway, SMG4 and Luigi watched through the small crack in the door.

"Do you think it’ll wear off?" Luigi asked hopefully.

SMG4 watched as Saiko began to hum a lullaby while Meggy braided the ends of Mario’s mustache. He saw the way they all looked at him—not as the annoying idiot who ruined their lives on a weekly basis, but as something precious that needed to be shielded from the harshness of the world.

"I don't know, Luigi," SMG4 said, his voice full of dread. "But I think we should probably start looking for a new place to live. Because I’m pretty sure this castle belongs to Mario now. And his bodyguards are... well, they're terrifying."

Just then, Mario let out a massive, room-shaking burp.

The girls didn't recoil in disgust. Instead, they clapped.

"Such power!" Saiko exclaimed.

"A masterpiece of a burp," Melony whispered.

Mario giggled, leaning back in his chair and patting his bloated stomach. "I like this new castle. It’s-a very cozy."

He closed his eyes, his head nodding as the "food coma" began to set in. Within seconds, he was snoring loudly.

The girls immediately went silent. They shared a look—a silent pact.

"Nobody moves," Meggy whispered, her voice a low command. "Nobody makes a sound. If I hear so much as a floorboard creak while he’s napping, there will be consequences."

She looked directly at the door, her eyes finding the crack where SMG4 and Luigi were peeking through.

The two men froze. Meggy didn't say anything. She simply raised a finger to her lips in a "shush" motion, her eyes burning with a promise of absolute violence if they dared to interrupt the plumber’s rest.

SMG4 and Luigi slowly, carefully, backed away from the door. They didn't turn around until they were at the other end of the Great Hall.

"Luigi," SMG4 whispered once they were safe.

"Yeah?"

"We’re going to need a lot more spaghetti."

"Yeah," Luigi agreed, trembling. "And maybe some armor."

Back in the kitchen, the five guardians sat in a circle around the sleeping Mario. The sun began to set, casting long, golden shadows across the room. Mario snored on, dreaming of flying ravioli, completely unaware that he was currently the most protected, adored, and slightly-terrifyingly-obsessed-over person in the entire Mushroom Kingdom.

And for the girls, this was exactly how it was supposed to be. Their red magnet was finally right where they wanted him.