Snoring
The Ballad of the Blue Pancakes and the Bellowing Hero
The morning air, usually filled with the scent of pine and the distant clang of swords, now carried a distinct tang of embarrassment and the lingering mental echo of a foghorn. Percy, hunched over his plate of blue pancakes – a small comfort in his current predicament – could feel the eyes of the entire camp on him. Every clatter of cutlery, every hushed whisper, seemed to be directed his way. He tried to focus on the syrupy goodness, but even his favorite breakfast couldn't quell the mortification bubbling in his stomach.
– I don't snore, – he mumbled into his plate, a pathetic attempt at self-defense.
Annabeth, seated beside him, patted his arm.
– It's alright, Seaweed Brain, – she said, though her lips twitched with amusement. – We all have our quirks. Yours just happens to be… particularly loud.
– Loud? – Percy lifted his head, eyes wide. – I thought I was being subtle.
Connor Stoll, from the Hermes table, let out a guffaw that drew even more attention.
– Subtle? Percy, the Nymphs in the Canoe Lake were complaining about tremors! – he yelled, wiping a tear from his eye.
Travis, not to be outdoed, chimed in,
– My bunk actually vibrated! I thought it was an earthquake!
Percy groaned, dropping his head back onto the table. Even Chiron, usually the epitome of stoic grace, was struggling to maintain a straight face. His shoulders shook slightly as he took a sip of nectar.
– Indeed, Percy, – Chiron said, his voice a little too steady. – It appears you possess a unique talent for… acoustic disturbances. Perhaps we can channel this energy into a new form of monster deterrence?
A few demigods snickered. Percy, however, was not amused.
– This is not funny! – he protested, his voice muffled by the table. – I'm a hero! I saved Olympus! Twice! I don't snore!
Clarisse, surprisingly, offered a rare moment of sympathy.
– Look, Jackson, – she grunted, spearing a piece of bacon with unnecessary force. – Everyone makes weird noises when they sleep. Yours are just… epic.
– Epic? – Percy lifted his head again, a flicker of hope in his eyes.
Clarisse shrugged.
– Yeah, epic. Like a battle cry. A really, really loud, involuntary battle cry.
The hope in Percy's eyes quickly died.
Will Solace, ever the pragmatist, approached their table, a serious expression on his face.
– Percy, I really do think we should look into this, – he said, pulling up a chair. – Sleep apnea can be serious. It can lead to fatigue, headaches, and even… well, let's just say it's not ideal for a demigod who needs to be at peak performance.
– Sleep apnea? – Percy repeated, the term sounding vaguely threatening.
– It's when your breathing repeatedly stops and starts during sleep, – Will explained patiently. – Given the… *intensity* of your snoring, it's a strong possibility. We have some basic diagnostic tools in the infirmary. We could do a sleep study tonight.
Percy blanched. A sleep study? That sounded… clinical. And embarrassing.
– No way, – he said firmly. – I'm not going to be hooked up to wires and watched while I sleep. That's just creepy.
– It's for your health, Percy, – Annabeth interjected, her tone firm. – And frankly, for the health of everyone else's eardrums.
– But… – Percy trailed off, looking around at the expectant faces. Even Nico, who usually kept to himself, was watching with a morbid curiosity.
– Think of it as a quest, Percy, – Chiron offered, a twinkle in his eye. – A quest for peaceful slumber.
Percy sighed. He knew when he was beaten. The collective will of Camp Half-Blood, backed by the unwavering concern of his girlfriend and the medical authority of the Apollo cabin, was a formidable force.
– Fine, – he grumbled. – But if anyone makes fun of me, I'm blaming you, Will.
Will grinned.
– Deal. Now, about that CPAP machine…
The rest of the day was a blur of whispered jokes and exaggerated imitations of his snoring. Percy tried to ignore it, focusing on his sword practice, but even there, he wasn't safe. During a sparring match with Clarisse, she suddenly stopped, holding her hand to her ear.
– Did you hear that, Jackson? – she asked, a mischievous glint in her eye. – Sounds like a particularly aggressive griffin trying to land.
Percy nearly dropped his sword.
Later, during capture the flag, the Hermes cabin had somehow managed to procure a large, empty conch shell, which they blew into whenever Percy got close, producing a sound that was remarkably similar to his now-infamous *RRRRR-SNORK!* He spent most of the game trying to avoid the Stolls, rather than capture the flag.
As evening approached, a sense of dread settled over Percy. The sleep study. He imagined himself lying there, exposed, while a team of Apollo kids meticulously documented his every snore. It was a hero's nightmare.
When he arrived at the infirmary, he was surprised to find it relatively empty. Will was there, setting up some equipment, but there was no crowd of curious onlookers.
– Alright, Percy, – Will said, gesturing to a comfortable-looking cot. – Just lie down here. We're going to attach a few sensors to monitor your breathing, heart rate, and brain activity. Nothing invasive, I promise.
Percy eyed the wires with suspicion, but complied. As Will began to attach the electrodes, Percy felt a pang of awkwardness.
– So, you're just going to watch me sleep? – he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
Will chuckled.
– Not personally, no. The equipment will record everything, and I'll review the data in the morning. Think of it as a very high-tech sleep diary.
Annabeth arrived, carrying a stack of books.
– I thought you might want some company, – she said, taking a seat beside his cot. – And I brought some reading material. Just in case you get bored of… not sleeping.
Percy smiled, a genuine smile this time. Annabeth always knew how to make things a little less terrible.
– Thanks, Wise Girl, – he said, feeling a little more at ease.
As the lights dimmed and the camp settled into its nocturnal rhythm, Percy found himself surprisingly calm. Annabeth read quietly beside him, the soft rustle of pages a comforting sound. He closed his eyes, and for a moment, he almost forgot about the impending snore-pocalypse.
Then, a thought struck him.
– Hey, Annabeth? – he whispered.
– Hmm? – she murmured, not looking up from her book.
– What if… what if I don't snore tonight? What if it was just a one-time thing?
Annabeth paused, her gaze traveling from her book to his face. A small, knowing smile played on her lips.
– Percy, – she said, her voice soft but firm. – You just snored.
Percy's eyes snapped open.
– I did? – he asked, a mixture of disbelief and resignation in his voice.
Will, who had been quietly monitoring the equipment from a corner of the room, let out a small cough.
– Affirmative, Percy, – he said, a hint of amusement in his tone. – A rather robust *RRRRR-SNORK!* followed by a delightful *HUUUUU-WHEEZE!* The sensors confirm it.
Percy groaned, burying his face in his pillow. He could feel Annabeth's shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter beside him.
– This is my life now, isn't it? – he mumbled into the pillow. – The Hero of Olympus, forever haunted by his own nasal passages.
Annabeth gently ruffled his hair.
– Don't worry, Seaweed Brain, – she said, her voice full of affection. – We'll figure it out. Besides, a hero who can snore loud enough to shake the foundations of Camp Half-Blood? That's certainly one for the history books.
And with that, the sound of Percy Jackson's snoring, now scientifically documented, filled the infirmary. It wasn't quite as earth-shattering as the previous night, perhaps because he was more relaxed, or perhaps because the sensors were already doing their job. But it was undeniably there, a rhythmic, rumbling testament to the hero's unique, and very loud, nocturnal adventures.
The next morning, Percy woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed. The camp was still quiet, but this time, it was a peaceful quiet, not the eerie silence of the previous day. He sat up, stretching, and noticed Annabeth asleep in the chair beside him, her head resting on her book. Will was meticulously reviewing a printout of graphs and charts.
– Good morning, Champion Snore-er, – Will said, without looking up.
Percy sighed. The title was here to stay.
– So, what's the verdict, Dr. Solace? Am I going to explode in my sleep?
Will finally looked up, a serious expression on his face.
– Well, the good news is, you're not going to explode. The bad news is, you definitely have sleep apnea, Percy. And a rather severe case at that.
Percy’s stomach dropped.
– Severe? What does that mean?
– It means your breathing stops for significant periods during your sleep, – Will explained, tapping a graph. – And when it restarts, it’s with a… considerable effort. Hence the *RRRRR-SNORK!* and *HUUUUU-WHEEZE!* Your body is basically fighting to breathe all night. That's why you're always so tired, even after a full night's sleep.
Percy thought back to all the times he’d felt sluggish, even after what he thought was adequate rest. The constant feeling of being just a little bit off. It all made sense now.
– So, what do we do? – he asked, a genuine note of concern in his voice.
– We start with the CPAP machine, – Will said, his tone reassuring. – It delivers a continuous stream of air through a mask, keeping your airways open. It might take some getting used to, but it will make a huge difference.
Percy imagined himself wearing a mask to bed, looking like some kind of cyborg. It wasn't exactly the image of a dashing hero.
– A mask? – he asked, wrinkling his nose.
– It's not so bad, – Annabeth mumbled, stirring awake. She rubbed her eyes and looked at Percy. – Think of it as a new piece of hero gear. A very important piece of hero gear.
Percy groaned, but a small part of him felt a flicker of relief. At least there was a solution. A solution that might spare the rest of Camp Half-Blood from the nightly sonic assault.
He looked at Annabeth, then at Will, who was already gathering the relevant information about CPAP machines.
– Alright, – he said, a reluctant acceptance in his voice. – Let's do it. But if anyone tries to prank me with a snorkel, I'm blaming you both.
Annabeth just smiled, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
– No promises, Seaweed Brain. After all, what's a hero without a good story? And yours just got a whole lot louder.
Percy sighed, but a small smile touched his lips. Maybe, just maybe, he could turn this into something. The Champion Snore-er. It wasn't exactly 'Son of Poseidon,' but it had a certain… ring to it. And at least he wouldn't be keeping everyone awake anymore. Probably. He hoped.