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The twist of the mind

The Lavender Scent of a Sharp-Dressed Rival

The morning sun over Tomobiki High School usually heralded a day of predictable chaos, but today, the air felt thick with a tension that even the local crows seemed to sense. Ataru Moroboshi sat at his desk, but he wasn't slumped over in his usual state of lazy apathy. Instead, he was sitting bolt upright, his chin resting on his hand, his eyes narrowed in a look of intense, smoldering concentration.

He wasn't looking at the girls' gym class out the window. He wasn't even trying to peek into Shinobu’s bag. His gaze was fixed, like a laser, on the back of Shūtarō Mendō’s perfectly groomed head.

"Darling?" Lum whispered, leaning over from her own desk. She looked worried, her blue-green hair shimmering under the fluorescent lights. "You’ve been staring at Mendō for ten minutes. Are you feeling okay? Do you have a headache? I can go get some medicine from the UFO!"

Ataru didn't even blink. "Medicine? Lum, don't be ridiculous. I’ve never felt more alive. Do you see the way the light catches the individual strands of his hair? It’s like spun silk. And that posture... it’s so regal, yet so inviting."

Lum’s face paled. "Oh no. Not again. I thought I fixed you! I shocked you so hard yesterday that your skeleton turned into a neon sign! You were supposed to be back to chasing girls!"

"Girls are loud, Lum," Ataru said dismissively, waving a hand in her face without looking at her. "They’re flighty. But a man like Mendō... he’s a fortress. A beautiful, wealthy, slightly claustrophobic fortress."

Across the room, Mendō felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He slowly turned around, his hand instinctively gripping the hilt of his katana. When he met Ataru’s gaze, he didn't see the usual sparks of rivalry or the bitter jealousy of a "lower-class nobody." He saw a look of pure, unadulterated adoration.

"Moroboshi," Mendō hissed, his voice trembling. "Why are you looking at me like I’m a particularly rare breed of octopus? Stop it at once!"

Ataru stood up, his chair screeching against the floor. The entire class went silent. Megane, Perm, Chibi, and Kakugari huddled together, sensing a shift in the cosmic balance.

"Shū-chan," Ataru said, his voice dropping into a husky baritone. "I was just thinking. That uniform... it’s a bit stiff, isn't it? You must be so tense. Why don't you let me give you a shoulder rub? I’ve been practicing my technique on a bag of rice."

Mendō’s eyes went wide. "Stay back! Don't you dare come any closer! I have a restraining order! I’ll have my private army surround this school!"

"They can't stop the heart, Shū-chan," Ataru purred, beginning to stalk toward him.

"DARLING! NO!" Lum shrieked, launching herself at Ataru. She wrapped her arms around his waist to hold him back, but Ataru was possessed by a strange, masculine determination. He dragged the hovering Oni princess along with him like a tiger-striped anchor.

"Look at those shoulders!" Ataru shouted to the class, pointing at Mendō. "Look at that jawline! Why have we been wasting our time on the girls' volleyball team when we have this masterpiece right here?"

Megane stood up, adjusting his glasses with a shaky hand. "Moroboshi, this is blasphemy! Lum-san is the pinnacle of beauty! To turn your back on her for... for a man who keeps octopuses as pets is a crime against nature!"

"You’re just jealous, Megane!" Ataru retorted. "You wish you had Mendō’s bone structure! You wish your glasses had half the clarity of his vision for the future!"

The classroom door slammed open, and Onsen-Mark marched in, clutching a bundle of test papers. He stopped dead, staring at the scene: Ataru straining toward a terrified Mendō, Lum dangling off Ataru’s back, and the rest of the class looking like they were witnessing the end of the world.

"Moroboshi! Back to your seat!" Onsen-Mark roared.

Ataru turned his head, his eyes scanning the teacher. "Sensei... I never noticed before, but that suit really brings out the stern authority in your eyes. Have you thought about wearing a tie with a slightly bolder stripe? It would emphasize your commanding presence."

Onsen-Mark dropped his papers. His face turned a shade of red that matched his anger, but there was a flicker of genuine confusion behind it. "I... I... detention! For the rest of the year! Get out!"

"Only if you’re the one supervising me, Sensei," Ataru winked, blowing a kiss that seemed to physically knock the teacher backward.

Lunchtime brought no relief. The cafeteria was a minefield. Ataru didn't go for his usual rounds of trying to steal food from the girls. Instead, he cornered Tobimaro Mizunokōji, who had stopped by the school to deliver a challenge to Mendō.

Tobimaro was standing in the courtyard, his ragged clothes fluttering in the breeze, his eyes full of stars. "Mendō! I demand our annual baseball duel! Today, I shall finally—"

"Ton-chan!" Ataru cheered, running up to the bewildered rival. "You’ve been training in the mountains again, haven't you? I can tell. Your skin has that rugged, sun-kissed glow. And those rags... they’re so bohemian. So raw."

Tobimaro blinked, his baseball bat lowering. "Moroboshi? What is this? Why are you touching my bicep?"

"It’s like granite!" Ataru gasped, squeezing the muscle. "You’re a beast, Ton-chan! A magnificent, unwashed beast of the wilderness! Come, let’s skip the baseball and go get some protein. My treat!"

Mendō, watching from the safety of a second-story balcony, let out a sob of relief that Ataru’s attention had shifted, but it was short-lived.

"Don't think I’ve forgotten you, Shū-chan!" Ataru yelled up to the balcony. "I’m just expanding my horizons! There’s enough of me for everyone!"

Lum sat on the roof, her legs pulled up to her chest, sparks dancing off her horns. Ten floated beside her, sucking on a lollipop.

"He’s really lost it this time, huh?" Ten said, shaking his head. "I mean, I knew he was an idiot, but this is a whole new level of stupid. He’s hitting on the guy who tries to kill him every day."

"It’s my fault, Ten-chan," Lum wailed, her tears turning into tiny electrical discharges. "I used too much power! I fried the part of his brain that likes girls! Now he thinks men are the only things worth chasing! What am I going to do? I can't compete with Mendō’s bank account or Ton-chan’s muscles!"

"Why don't you just shock him again?" Ten suggested. "Maybe you can jump-start his old self. You know, like a car battery."

Lum looked down at the courtyard, where Ataru was now trying to show Tobimaro how to properly "flex for the camera" while a group of terrified male students watched from a distance.

"I tried that this morning!" Lum cried. "He just thanked me for the 'invigorating massage' and asked if I could do it to Mendō too because he looked 'a bit tense'!"

Suddenly, a massive shadow fell over the courtyard. The air grew cold, and the smell of expensive perfume and ozone was replaced by the heavy, musky scent of a hungry Oni.

Rei landed with a bone-jarring thud, his handsome face set in its usual expression of vacant intensity. "LUM! FOOD!"

Ataru froze. He slowly turned around, his eyes traveling up Rei’s massive frame. He saw the broad chest, the wild hair, and the sheer, overwhelming masculinity of the tiger-skinned alien.

Ataru’s heart didn't just beat; it thundered.

"Oh... my... stars," Ataru whispered, his voice trembling with a new kind of fervor.

He ignored Lum. He ignored Tobimaro. He walked toward Rei with the slow, deliberate grace of a man who had found his calling.

"You," Ataru breathed, reaching up to stroke Rei’s chin. "You’re not just a man. You’re a monument. You’re a force of nature. Tell me, do you like poetry? Or should we just skip straight to the wrestling?"

Rei blinked, his stomach growling. He looked down at the tiny human touching his face. "Moroboshi... have... meat?"

"I have everything you need, you beautiful titan!" Ataru declared, suddenly leaping into Rei’s arms. He wrapped his legs around Rei’s waist and hugged his neck with all his might. "Take me away! Let’s go to a place where there are no girls, no lightning, and no school! Just us and a very large grill!"

Rei, who was used to people screaming or running away from him, found the physical contact strangely pleasant. It reminded him of a warm blanket, or perhaps a particularly soft ham.

"Moroboshi... warm," Rei grunted, patting Ataru’s back with a hand the size of a dinner plate.

"I’m burning up for you, Rei-kun!" Ataru cheered.

Lum had reached her breaking point. The sky above Tomobiki turned a bruised purple, and the clouds began to swirl into a violent vortex.

"THAT IS THE LAST STRAW!" she screamed, her voice echoing across the city. "REI IS MY EX-FIANCÉ! DARLING IS MY HUSBAND! THIS IS CROSSING SO MANY LINES I CAN'T EVEN SEE THEM ANYMORE!"

She dove from the roof, her entire body encased in a shell of blinding white electricity. She looked like a falling star, a vengeful goddess of thunder aiming straight for the heart of the courtyard.

"LUM, WATCH OUT!" Shinobu yelled, ducking behind a stone bench.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY HUNK!" Ataru screamed, shielding Rei with his own body.

The impact was cataclysmic. A dome of blue light erupted from the center of the courtyard, shattering the windows of the main school building and sending the Black Glasses Squad flying into the hedges. The sound was like a thousand temple bells ringing at once.

When the dust finally settled, the courtyard was a smoking ruin. Rei had transformed into his ushitora form, a massive bull-tiger creature that was currently trying to eat a nearby bicycle. Ataru was lying in the center of a small crater, his clothes charred, his hair standing up in a million different directions.

Lum knelt over him, her chest heaving, her eyes full of desperate hope. "Darling? Darling, please tell me you’re okay! Please tell me you want to go girl-hunting! Please!"

Ataru’s eyes snapped open. He looked at Lum. He looked at her tiger-striped bikini. He looked at her beautiful, tear-streaked face.

He let out a long, shaky breath. "Lum..."

"Yes, Darling?"

"Your... your hair..."

Lum leaned in closer, her heart racing. "What about my hair, Darling?"

Ataru’s hand reached out, but instead of stroking her cheek, he pointed over her shoulder toward the school gates.

"Is that... is that the swimming coach?" Ataru whispered, a predatory grin spreading across his soot-covered face. "Look at the definition on those calves! He must do five hundred squats a day! Coach! Wait for me! I need to know your secret!"

Ataru scrambled to his feet and bolted toward the gates, his shredded uniform flapping in the wind.

"COACH! I’M COMING FOR YOU!"

Lum stared at the empty space where her husband had just been. She slowly stood up, her hands trembling, her face darkening with a fury that promised a very long, very painful night for the Moroboshi household.

"Ten-chan," Lum said quietly.

"Yeah, Lum?" Ten asked, hovering cautiously a few feet away.

"Get the big battery. The one we use for the UFO’s emergency thrusters."

"You got it," Ten chirped, flying off toward the ship.

In the distance, the screams of the swimming coach echoed through the streets of Tomobiki, followed shortly by the sound of a very expensive car—likely Mendō’s—speeding away in a state of pure, unadulterated panic.

The "Magnetic North" of Ataru Moroboshi’s libido had shifted, and for the men of Tomobiki, the world had suddenly become a very, very dangerous place. Ataru was back, but the hunt had only just begun.