Joyride to hell
The Gluttony Games: A Tale of Two Appetites
The streets of Cannibal Town were paved with cobblestones and a pervasive sense of turn-of-the-century politeness that masked a gruesome reality. As the entourage from the Hazbin Hotel followed Sakura and Rosie toward the Emporium, the atmosphere shifted from the chaotic neon of the Pride Ring to a muted, sepia-toned nightmare. Dapper skeletons in top hats tipped their headpieces to Rosie, while their wives—demons with rows of needle-like teeth—stopped to stare at the tall, raven-haired human walking with the stride of an empress.
"I must say, dear, you have a lovely poise," Rosie remarked, her parasol twirling gracefully over her shoulder. "It’s rare to see a mortal who doesn't spend their first hour in Hell screaming or trying to hide in a dumpster. You have a certain... hunger in your eyes. I respect that."
Sakura adjusted the sleeves of her nurse’s blazer. "I’ve spent my life dealing with spirits, lecherous teenagers, and an uncle who lives in a tent. A few well-dressed maneaters are hardly worth a change in heart rate. Now, let’s discuss the menu. I hope there’s variety. Monotony is the enemy of a good metabolism."
"Oh, you needn't worry about that!" Rosie laughed, a sound like wind chimes in a graveyard. "We have everything from seasoned sinner-shanks to seasoned explorer-ribs. We even have a delicate tartare made from the more... vocal residents of the Sloth Ring."
Charlie leaned toward Vaggie, her voice a frantic whisper. "Vaggie, we have to stop this! If Sakura-san wins, she might bankrupt Rosie! If she loses, she becomes a permanent resident of a butcher shop! This is a diplomatic disaster!"
Vaggie gripped her spear, her gaze darting between the two tall women. "Charlie, look at Sakura. She’s not scared. She’s... she’s salivating. I don't think we could stop her even if we used Lucifer’s crown as a dinner plate. We just have to hope her stomach is as bottomless as the legends say."
"It is," Ataru chimed in, walking backwards so he could keep an eye on the local demonesses. "I once saw her eat a giant octopus that was trying to destroy the school. She didn't even use soy sauce. She said it was 'light protein'."
"An octopus?" Mendō shuddered, clutching his family crest. "A sacred creature, consumed by a common glutton. The horror. The sheer, caloric horror."
They arrived at Rosie’s Emporium, a grand building adorned with velvet curtains and gilded signage. Inside, a long table had been set with fine china and silverware that gleamed under the crystal chandeliers. Three of Rosie’s top associates—burly demons with mouths that seemed to unhinge like snakes—were already seated, tucked in with oversized napkins.
"Gentlemen, we have a guest," Rosie announced, taking her seat at the head of the table. "A mortal who claims to be on a diet. Let’s see if we can help her break it, shall we?"
Sakura sat down opposite the three demons. She picked up a fork and knife, testing the weight. "I’m ready. Bring out the first course."
The doors to the kitchen swung open, and a parade of waiters began to bring out silver platters. The first course was a mountain of 'Hell-Hound Sliders,' each the size of a dinner plate and dripping with a dark, spicy sauce.
"Begin!" Rosie commanded.
The three cannibals lunged at the food, tearing into the meat with savage efficiency. Bones clattered onto the floor, and sauce splattered their napkins. They were fast, driven by a primal, demonic hunger.
Sakura, however, moved with the precision of a surgeon. She picked up a slider, took a bite that appeared modest but somehow consumed half the sandwich, and chewed with a serene expression. Her hands moved in a blur. One slider, two, five, ten. While the demons were grunting and struggling with the heavy bread, Sakura was a machine of silent consumption.
"She’s not even breathing!" Angel Dust whispered, leaning over Alastor’s shoulder. "Look at her throat! It’s like a conveyor belt!"
"It’s the spiritual energy," Cherry explained, having climbed onto a nearby sideboard to get a better view. "She converts the physical matter into raw spiritual force to maintain her youth and health. It is a terrifying technique known as the 'Bottomless Priestess Gulp.' I taught her everything she knows, though she refuses to pay for my ramen."
The first course was cleared. The three demons were already looking slightly flushed. Sakura looked like she had just finished a light appetizer.
"Next course!" Rosie called out, her smile widening. "The 'Leviathan Lo Mein'!"
Massive bowls of glowing, purple noodles were placed before them. The noodles were thick and moved slightly, as if they still possessed a lingering spark of life. The demons began to slurp them down, their faces turning purple from the effort.
Sakura picked up her chopsticks. She didn't slurp. She simply opened her mouth, and the noodles seemed to vanish into a dark void. Within two minutes, her bowl was empty. She looked at the demon to her left, who was currently choking on a particularly stubborn noodle.
"Are you going to finish that?" Sakura asked, her voice devoid of pity.
The demon scrambled to protect his bowl, but the sheer intensity of Sakura’s gaze made him flinch.
"This is marvelous!" Alastor crackled, his radio-effect voice booming through the hall. "I haven't seen a performance this one-sided since the Great Stock Market Crash of '29! Rosie, dear, I think your boys are outclassed."
Rosie’s eyes flickered with a hint of genuine surprise. She picked up a wine glass filled with something dark and red. "It seems I underestimated the human constitution. Very well. Let’s move to the main event. The 'Behemoth Roast'."
Four waiters struggled to carry out a single platter. On it sat a roasted creature that looked like a cross between a rhinoceros and a dragon. It was the size of a small car, seasoned with sulfur and garnished with whole pineapples.
"The rules are simple," Rosie said, her voice dropping into a competitive rasp. "The first one to finish their quarter of the beast wins. If no one finishes, the one who ate the most stays in Cannibal Town."
The demons roared and dove into the meat, using their claws to rip chunks away. It was a bloodbath of gravy and sinew.
Sakura stood up. She took a deep breath, and for a moment, the air around her seemed to shimmer with a pale, violet light. She didn't use her hands. She simply leaned forward.
"Wait, what is she doing?" Charlie asked, her hands over her mouth.
"She’s using the 'Vacuum of the Void'!" Cherry screamed. "Sakura, no! The structural integrity of the building can't take it!"
Sakura’s mouth didn't grow larger, but the space in front of her seemed to warp. The meat from her quarter of the roast began to peel away in long, ribbons, flying into her mouth as if drawn by a hurricane. The sound was like a jet engine muffled by velvet.
The dapper cannibals watched in horror as their prize roast disappeared into the slender woman. The three demon associates stopped eating, their jaws dropping in unison as they watched their portion of the table become clean and white.
In less than five minutes, the entire quarter of the Behemoth—roughly four hundred pounds of meat—was gone. Sakura wiped a single drop of grease from her lip with a dainty finger.
"It was a bit dry," Sakura remarked, sitting back down. "But the seasoning was adequate. Do you have any tea? I find that oolong helps to cut the fat."
The Emporium was silent. The only sound was the clatter of a fork falling from the hand of a stunned demon. Rosie stared at Sakura, her parasol forgotten on the floor. Then, slowly, the Overlord began to laugh. It wasn't the polite, tinkling laugh of a hostess; it was the booming, appreciative roar of a satisfied spectator.
"Well! I’ll be a sinner’s aunt!" Rosie stood up and began to clap. "Bravo! I haven't seen a slaughter like that since the last Extermination! You didn't just eat the food, dear, you erased it from existence!"
The cannibals in the room followed their leader’s lead, erupting into applause. Even the demons who had just lost the contest looked at Sakura with a newfound, terrifying respect.
"So," Sakura said, looking Rosie in the eye. "About that tax-exempt status for the hotel?"
"A deal is a deal!" Rosie chirped, walking over and taking Sakura’s hand. "The Hazbin Hotel is officially under the protection of Cannibal Town. And if you ever get tired of that 'redemption' nonsense, Sakura, you have a permanent seat at my table. We could use a woman of your... capacity."
Charlie ran forward, throwing her arms around Sakura’s waist. "You did it! You saved the hotel! And you didn't even get a stomach ache!"
"I told you, I’m on a diet," Sakura said, though she allowed a small, tired smile to touch her lips. "I’ll probably need a light snack before bed, though. All that spiritual exertion makes me peckish."
"I’ll buy!" Ataru shouted, sliding over with his usual grin. "Sakura-san, you were magnificent! Let’s celebrate! I know a place down the street that serves 'Succubus Slushies'!"
*WHAM!*
Sakura’s fist met the top of Ataru’s head, driving him several inches into the floorboards. "Don't push your luck, Moroboshi."
"She’s back to normal," Mendō sighed, looking relieved. "The world is once again in balance."
As the group began to exit the Emporium, Alastor lingered behind for a moment, leaning on his cane as he watched Sakura walk away. Rosie stepped up beside him, her eyes following the raven-haired nurse.
"She’s an interesting one, Alastor," Rosie whispered. "A human with the hunger of an ancient god. Where did you find her?"
"She fell through a hole in the sky, trailing behind a boy who smells like bad luck," Alastor replied, his grin flickering with static. "Hell is getting very crowded, Rosie. And I think these 'Tomobiki' residents are going to be much more entertaining than the usual rabble."
"Just make sure she doesn't eat the King," Rosie warned playfully. "Lucifer is a bit sensitive about his stature."
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Alastor chuckled. "He’s far too lean for her tastes. She seems to prefer... substantial portions."
Back at the Hazbin Hotel, the evening was winding down, though the chaos was far from over. Lum was currently trying to figure out how to use the hotel’s 'Inferno-Shower,' which resulted in a massive surge of steam and electricity that blew out the lights on the second floor.
"DARLING! THE WATER IS TOO HOT!" Lum’s voice echoed through the halls, followed by a thunderous *ZAP*.
"It’s not the water, it’s you!" Ataru’s voice screamed back.
In the lobby, Lucifer was sitting on a sofa, staring blankly at a bill for 'Three Weeks of Emergency Rations' that Husk had handed him. "She ate... she ate the entire larder? In one sitting?"
"And the ghost in the kitchen," Vaggie added, leaning against the wall. "She literally ate the haunting, sir."
Lucifer looked up at Sakura, who was currently sitting in a plush armchair, calmly reading a book on demonic anatomy while Niffty brought her a small plate of cookies.
"You," Lucifer said, pointing a trembling finger at the nurse. "What are you?"
Sakura turned a page. "I’m a school nurse, your Majesty. And I’m currently on a diet. Please don't disturb me; I’m trying to count my calories for the day."
Lucifer sat back, defeated. "Charlie, I want them gone. I want the alien, the pervert, the rich kid, the monk, and especially the hungry one. Find that portal coordinates now."
"We’re working on it, Dad!" Charlie called out from the stairs. "But in the meantime, isn't it great? We have a new alliance! And Sakura-san is so helpful!"
"She’s a biological weapon in a skirt," Vaggie muttered, though there was a hint of a smile on her face.
As the night deepened over Pentagram City, the Hazbin Hotel stood as a flickering beacon of hope and absurdity. In one room, a boy was being electrocuted by his alien wife. In another, a monk was trying to exorcise a sentient toaster. And in the dining room, a tall, beautiful woman was quietly finishing a plate of cookies, her eyes already searching for the next meal.
Hell had survived exterminations, wars, and uprisings. But as the residents of the Hazbin Hotel were beginning to realize, it had never truly been tested until it tried to feed the staff of Tomobiki High.
"Uncle Cherry," Sakura said, her voice echoing in the quiet lobby.
"Yes, Sakura?" the monk replied from his pile of prayer beads.
"I think I’m ready for dinner now."
The sound of Lucifer’s head hitting the coffee table was the only response.