← Voltar ao resumo

peidona

O Despertar da Dieta Detox e o Mistério do Elevador Social

A manhã de quinta-feira no apartamento 42 não começou com o aroma de café recém-passado, mas sim com uma névoa invisível que desafiava as leis da termodinâmica. Vivi estava sentada no sofá, envolta em um cobertor de lã, com uma expressão de quem tinha acabado de sobreviver a uma guerra química. O "Apocalipse de Marshmallow" da noite anterior havia deixado sequelas não apenas no ar, mas na própria alma da garota.

— Gente, eu juro que se eu respirar fundo, eu flutuo — murmurou Vivi, a voz rouca. — Eu sinto minha barriga fazendo um barulho de cafeteira velha.

Sofia saiu do quarto com os cabelos em pé, segurando um copo de água com limão.

— 08:15 da manhã. Vamos começar os trabalhos — disse Sofia, pegando o celular para abrir o bloco de notas de recordes. — Vivi, o palco é seu.

Vivi não precisou de esforço. Ao se inclinar para pegar uma almofada, o som veio como uma trombeta anunciando o juízo final.

— *PRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM-FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!* — O som começou grave, vibrando o estofado do sofá, e terminou em um assobio agudo que durou uma eternidade.

— MEU DEUS! — exclamou Vittoria, surgindo na porta da cozinha com uma espátula na mão. — Isso foi um recorde de despertar!

— 08:16 — anunciou Sofia, cronometrando com precisão. — Doze segundos cravados. Um tom constante, boa vibração. Nota 8.5 pelo impacto matinal.

— Eu não aguento mais — riu Vivi, sentindo a pressão diminuir por um breve segundo. — Hoje é dia de detox. Só suco verde, água e silêncio.

— Silêncio é algo que não existe neste CEP, querida — Vittoria brincou, voltando para a cozinha. — Preparem-se, porque eu fiz um omelete de espinafre que promete movimentar o ranking.

A manhã seguiu com as três amigas tentando organizar a estante da sala. Era um trabalho manual que envolvia muito agachamento, o que, para o trio, era o equivalente a apertar o botão de ignição de um foguete.

— *Puf! Prum!* — Sofia soltou dois rápidos enquanto empilhava livros de arte. — 10:30. Dois segundos acumulados. Só para não perder o ritmo.

Vittoria, que estava na parte de cima da escada, sentiu a gravidade trabalhar a seu favor.

— *PRUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!* — O som ecoou do alto da escada, parecendo um trovão descendo as nuvens.

— 10:32. Sete segundos! — gritou Vivi lá de baixo. — A Vittoria está ganhando confiança. Esse teve eco!

— É a perspectiva de cima — riu Vittoria, descendo os degraus. — A acústica aqui perto do teto é diferenciada.

Por volta do meio-dia, o interfone tocou. Era o zelador avisando que haveria uma manutenção rápida no quadro de luz do andar e que precisariam entrar no apartamento por cinco minutos. O pânico se instalou.

— O zelador? Agora? — Vivi correu para abrir as janelas. — Sofia, cadê aquele spray de lavanda que a sua mãe mandou?

— Eu usei tudo no banheiro ontem depois que você saiu de lá! — gritou Sofia, correndo para a área de serviço. — Pega o ventilador!

Elas criaram um corredor de vento improvisado, mas Vivi, no auge do nervosismo, sentiu o suco verde da manhã fazendo efeito.

— Meninas... — avisou Vivi, paralisada no meio da sala. — Ele está vindo. E ele não é diplomático.

— Segura, Vivi! Pelo amor de Deus, o Seu Jorge é um senhor de idade! — Vittoria implorou.

Vivi tentou contrair todos os músculos, mas o esforço de empurrar o sofá para esconder a bagunça foi o fim.

— *PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-UUUUUUMMMMM-PÁ!* — O som foi seco, alto e reverberou nas paredes vazias.

— 12:15. Quinze segundos — sussurrou Sofia, olhando para a porta. — E esse veio com aroma de... vitória amarga.

A campainha tocou exatamente três segundos depois. Vittoria abriu a porta com seu melhor sorriso de "sou uma moradora exemplar e meu apartamento não cheira a refinaria".

— Bom dia, Seu Jorge! Pode entrar.

O zelador, um homem baixo e de poucas palavras, entrou com sua caixa de ferramentas. Ele caminhou até o quadro de luz, que ficava no corredor perto da sala. No segundo passo, ele parou. O nariz dele deu uma leve tremida, o tipo de movimento que um coelho faz ao detectar perigo.

— O ar está meio pesado hoje, né? — comentou Seu Jorge, sem olhar para trás. — Deve ser a umidade subindo pelos canos. Prédio antigo tem dessas.

— É exatamente isso! — saltou Vivi, abanando-se com uma revista. — A umidade! A gente até comentou que o cheiro de... de mofo está forte hoje.

— Não parece mofo — disse o zelador, abrindo o quadro de luz. — Parece que algo morreu e ressuscitou dentro da tubulação. Mas eu vou dar uma olhada na fiação.

As três se esconderam na cozinha, trocando olhares desesperados e segurando o riso. Sofia estava roxa, tentando não soltar o que o omelete de espinafre estava preparando.

— Se eu soltar agora, o Seu Jorge pede demissão — sussurrou Sofia.

— Aguenta firme, guerreira — incentivou Vittoria.

Assim que o zelador saiu, fechando a porta com um "tenham um bom dia, meninas, e chamem o encanador", as três desabaram no chão.

— "Algo morreu e ressuscitou"! — Vivi gritava de rir. — Eu sou o Lázaro dos peidos!

— Sofia, agora! Solta isso! — Vittoria autorizou.

Sofia não esperou. Ela se jogou no carpete e liberou a pressão acumulada.

— *PRUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!* — O som foi profundo, vibrante e durou uma eternidade.

— 12:30. TRINTA E DOIS SEGUNDOS! — anunciou Vivi, batendo palmas. — Sofia, você quase alcançou meu recorde de ontem!

— Eu sinto que minha alma saiu um pouco junto — ofegou Sofia, limpando as lágrimas. — O espinafre é potente, meninas. Não subestimem o poder do Popeye.

À tarde, elas decidiram que precisavam sair de casa para "arejar as ideias" e o sistema digestivo. O destino escolhido foi uma livraria-café super charmosa no bairro vizinho. O plano era ler um pouco e manter a classe. Mas, como sempre, a classe era um conceito passageiro para o trio do 42.

Vivi estava olhando a seção de livros de gastronomia quando sentiu uma bolha de ar subindo — ou melhor, descendo — com uma força descomunal. O lugar estava silencioso, apenas com um jazz suave tocando ao fundo.

— Sofia... — sussurrou Vivi, aproximando-se da amiga. — Eu vou explodir.

— Não aqui, Vivi! Aqui tem carpete, o cheiro gruda! — Sofia alertou.

— Eu não tenho escolha! É o risoto de ontem pedindo passagem!

Vivi tentou caminhar até o banheiro, mas a cada passo o som escapava em pequenas notas curtas, como se ela fosse um instrumento de sopro com defeito.

— *Puf... puf... puf... puf...* — Cinco segundos de escapes rítmicos.

Ela finalmente chegou ao corredor do banheiro, que estava vazio. Lá, ela se permitiu a liberação total.

— *FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII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